How would i know if my son is gay
Book Excerpt: Is Your Child Gay?
Excerpted fromWhy Is the Penis Shaped Like That? … And Other Reflections on Being Human, by Jesse Bering, by arrangement with Scientific American/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC (North America), Transworld Ltd (UK), Jorge Zahara Editora Ltda (Brazil). Copyright © by Jesse Bering.
We all know the stereotypes: an unusually light, delicate, effeminate air in a little boy's step, an interest in dolls, makeup, princesses and dresses, and a strong distaste for rugged play with other boys. In little girls, there is the outwardly boyish stance, perhaps a penchant for tools, a square-jawed readiness for physical tussles with boys, and an aversion to all the perfumed, delicate trappings of femininity.
These behavioral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbingers of adult homosexuality. It is only relatively recently, however, that developmental scientists have conducted controlled studies to identify the earliest and most reliable signs of grown-up homosexuality. In looking carefully at the childhoods of gay adults,
Help! My Son is Gay
by Ricky Chelette, Executive Director
“So should I push my son towards women now?” That’s a question I often get from fathers of young men who are struggling with matching gender attractions. Dads are often devastated by the discovery of their son’s homosexuality. But the retort to their son’s effort is not to force him into the arms of a woman. In fact, such a advance could actually do more damage than good.
But what should a dad do for his son? In a word: connect! I realize when saying that many dads might think, “I am associated to my son. He’s my son. I’ve been around him since birth. We are fine.” But the fact is that simply being present doesn’t mean you have any kind of emotional, intimate, connection with your son. He is a sensitive guy who needs to be spoken to in a language he can hear and understand. Proclamations of facts do small to move his heart. He wants words dripping with raw emotion and heart-felt passion. He wants to know you, intimately, and feel the weight of your passion for him. In many ways, he wants you to look him straight in hi
As I relayed in When Your Youngster Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterling, ), I found out that my son was gay from a note with our son's label entwined with another boy's, surrounded by a heart. I accidentally found that note in his room when I was cleaning.
I never questioned him about the heart I found on the sly. How would I have brought it up? Guess I was wrong? After all, he had a obsession on a young woman in his class.
I had suspected at times that he was queer . He only had girls to his thirteenth birthday party. He preferred gentler sports. He was always concerned about how he looked and followed fashion. Were these stereotypical thoughts from a straight mother? You bet, but it was ingrained through the culture's binary system and ideas about how males were "supposed to" behave.
As it turns out, our son didn't come out until he was 17, was on his own, and brought a boyfriend/girlfriend to visit. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would contain defensively said "No!" He had to work it out and work through his denial. I'm glad I muzzled myself.
Susan Berland, the mother o
Gender non-conforming behaviours are very common in young children. Societal and peer pressure pushes children more towards gender conformity as they get older. However, it is not abnormal or unusual for a youngster to like playing with toys and wearing clothes which are associated with the opposite sex. It is also not uncommon for such children to insist that they actually are the opposite sex although most simply increase out of it.
It is well known that gender non-conforming life-styles are often associated with gay men and lesbian women. There is also research representing gender non-conforming behaviours seen in children can be predictors of homosexuality later in life.
Gender non-conforming behaviours are also observed in children with gender dysphoria and so more recently have also been used as indicators of a transgender identity.
This complex picture makes it very complex for parents and their children with gender issues to know if they are perhaps transgender or instead simply on their way to grow up into a gay elder or indeed neither. This has serious implications w