Bisexual me
When I Call Myself Bisexual
I wrote this essay six months ago, to be posted online in conjunction with the June reissue of Bi Any Other Name, the landmark anthology of writings by bisexuals that Loraine Hutchins and Lani Ka&#;ahumanu co-edited almost twenty-five years ago. I had originally intended the piece to serve as a personal utterance about my relationships to the books I publish. However, the New York Times Magazine recently ran a cover story titled “Bisexuality Comes Out of the Closet,” an article that opens with “The scientific quest to prove—once and for all—that someone (even a man) can truly be attracted to both a man…and a woman.” With that kind of prelude, I knew the article would be tough going, and it was. There’s a lot of science and data discussed, much talk of “sexual arousal patterns” “genital monitoring,” and “evidence from prior studies.” On the whole the article is balanced and sometimes insightful, owing in no small part to the fact that bisexuals themselves are quoted throughout and important points are raised from their perspectives. I don’t accept issu
I was lucky enough to discover my bisexuality when I was a free guy, so I never had to come out to a girlfriend while we were in a committed relationship. Still, I have some idea of how intimidating it might feel for a lover to come out to his partner in a “heterosexual relationship.” I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had men—especially older gay men—cock their heads to the side when I narrate them I’m bisexual. I’ve even heard the response, “Oh, yeah? I was once bi, too.” I have to do everything in my power not to yell, “Just because you used ‘bi’ as a stepping-stone to male lover doesn’t mean I am. It turns out everyone doesn’t have the equal exact sexual journey and attractions as you undertake , you self-centered schmuck!”
That’s the thing about coming out as a bisexual gentleman, either to a loved one or just to anyone at all: People often don’t believe us. They think we’re just taking a pitstop on the way to Gay Town. On the flip side, if they do trust we’re “genuinely” bisexual (whatever the fuck that means), they’ll then assume a buttload of negative stereotypes about us: We’re gree
By Zachary Zane
When I finally embraced my bisexuality five drawn-out years after kissing my first male, I was elated, convinced that the world would now be my oyster. I thought existence bisexual would double my chances of a date on any given Friday night. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Women didn’t desire to date me, fearing that I was using the bi label as a stepping stone to being “full-blown” gay. Whether or not they’d openly admit it, many feared I’d inevitably leave them for a man. The gay men I dated didn’t contain this fallacious doctrine. Rather, they were unbelievably condescending. They’d say things prefer, “Oh, honey! I was bi too. You’ll get there.” When I reaffirmed my bisexuality, letting them know that this isn’t a pitstop, but a final destination, they’d respond, “I grasp you think that. I did too.”
So I stopped telling people I was bisexual, at least on the first date. It wasn’t that I was ashamed of entity attracted to all genders or attempting to hide my bisexuality. I hoped that if they got to understand and trust me, they would think I was double attraction. I also figured i
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Telling people that you are bisexual can seem a big step, but for many it's a way to develop comfortable with your sexuality and to stop feeling like you're "hiding".
But should you come out? And if you resolve you should, who should you come out to, and how should you do it?
The first person you need to come out to, and perhaps the only person you really have to come out to, is yourself. Are you bisexual? When you come out to yourself it can be quite enlightening - being honest about who you are and who you're attracted. It can feel like taking a load off of your shoulders. Take your moment, look at what you feel and what feels right for you. There is no rush!
Fred - "When I was a teenager and came out to my parents and older sister, they said they already knew I was bi. That's been a bit of a theme for me, actually. I've had a second phase of coming out bi, since my marriage ended, as some people who first knew me as 'a person married to a man' assumed I was heterosexual. Nobody seems particularly surprised